whew!

It's me it's me it's me oh Lord

Standing in the need of Prayer.........

Serious workout yesterday.



After two straight years of rain, I realize that I am not used to the orange fiery thing in the sky. Especially not for workouts. I was so teetering on not going today - the long drive, the crowd in the park, tired after the 4th festivities, blah blah. The prospect of the flailing although I can swim lake, and the hand your ass to you on a platter hill were the real things that gave me pause.

That morning however, I saw that awful Lance Armstrong LiveStrong commercial, and read some article about a 78 year old nun who is a very active triathlete ("I train religiously"), and said to myself it was time to HTFU.

So I went.

We drilled over and over and over again- speed drills that had us all breathless. Me, the claustrophobic blood sausage, still fighting that wetsuit. I swear my arms weigh 100 lbs in that thing. To add to the fun, the lake was pretty busy with tons of non swimming public. Lots of collisions and confusion - probably closer to race day effects than any of us would have prefered.

Afterwards, our trainer said, due to all the traffic, we would not ride the ass handing hill. Great! a nice loop of the park, some scenery , shade - sounded right up my alley. HA! We did a loop of the park but there were lots of hills - more than one was worse than the ass handing hill; just shorter in length. One in particular was on the edge of a gorgeous piece of road with no shoulder (and lots of motorcycles crop dusting my ass) that literally had me calling on Jesus. I didn't even know I was- I kept hearing some primal grunt coming from somewhere and realized it was ME, every exhale was calling on the Lord. Ha.

Usually when I don't feel well, it's Mommy, or when I am extremely pissed it's God*%! (hey, keeping it REAL, ok?) but the Jesus thing is new. Top of that rise my legs were cooked salami. And as if that were NOT ENOUGH, the end of the ride finished up with the ASS HANDING HILL.

..........

ok so I will say that I am improving. For most of the ride I was third - the first two people dropped me like a hot potato, but I dropped the three behind me as well. Most important I stayed in the saddle and did not walk it out at all. I could have ridden more - I only think we did about 20 miles - so that is cool. Especially because we changed our gear and did running drills right after! Which went well - I mean, I am puffing like a train engine and my pulse rate was 200. But I felt strong if not fast, and as I am training for endurance first, I'm happy! I actually wanted to go for a longer run of a mile or two after that, but I also knew the traffic would be the fifth circle of hell and I wanted to get back to mi famiglia.

It was a full three hours of swimming, biking, and running. Pretty cool.


I drove back home through summer Sunday traffic (read: thank GOD for the radio, a/c and snacks) which took nearly two hours. Ugh. After all of that, it was hard to sleep last night, as I was ZOOOOOOOMING and my poor legs were humming.

This weekend coming up, I have a 5k. I just want to participate and finish - that is all. That should be interesting.

I reclaim my ass, yet fall behind

I am feeling bad and good at the same time.



I have had some great breakthoughs in training. The same hill that almost killed Elphaba and me two weeks ago was again presentedliked some sick gift by my tri class almost two weeks ago. I have been practicing the duet version of Getting To Know You with Elphaba, but not so much on hills. Still, we killed it. TWICE.



yeah, bitches!



anyway, the swim still sucked horribly. Surprisingly the run was not even a thought. We received a printout at the end which included everyone's stats like weight(insert psycho music) age, body fat percentage, metabolic age, lbs of muscle, bone density, visceral fat, physique.....

Did I say this included EVERYONE's stats? By Name?

OK - at the beginning of class, our trainer was horrified that he had cc'ed the entire email listof info to everyone, not hiding email addresses. He said he understood that people wanted to protect their anonymity, etc. Fine. I didn't have a problem with it - it's an email address for goodness sake - but having my FAT percentage blasted to a whole range of people I don't really know? Noone had a problem with that? RIGHT!

Other than needing to lose weight( and thereby body fat) my numbers are pretty good. My metage is 20 years younger than I am. While I am fatter than everyone else, my physique number is better than every other woman's in the class. On a scale of 1-20 (20 being death) my visceral fat is a 5.

Not that I didn't know I had work to do, but this is gives it to me in a different way.

The next day after class, I went out and did a 6.5 mile run. A record for me. I have done several since - not on hills, and not fast, but done, with energy to spare. And I still have legs at the end of the day - no cramps or pains.

And my arms are looking SO much better from my workouts.

I have made the tough decision that I cannot participate in the Irongirl. Yes, the OWS is part of it, but really I cannot afford it. The cost to rent a vehicle and hotel room is just not realistic now. I am hurt and angry, as I have made such an investment so far physically and financially. But Life happens. I don't really have an alternative, and up until now there isn't anything I would do differently.

I am doing a 5k in two weeks, whoopee. And; there is the sprint here on LI in September. I think the disappointment has made me lose a little focus and I am missing workouts.

I need to switch gears and get back on it - literally and figuratively.

I just need to catch my breath.

A much needed boost

I get these cool messages from the Universe every day. They are generally uplifting but mostly I could take them or leave them. The one I got today however made me cry, I didn't realize how down I have really been.

***

You are the greatest, (my name).


You are the best and the coolest.
You surprise us every single day.
This is not a test. Do not adjust your settings.

You have nothing to prove.

There's no one to thank but yourself.

The rest of the day, and your life, are on me.


Gratefully,
The Universe

(sigh) smile

Your bike is named WHAT?

Someone asked me to explain Elphaba – “who is that” they said. I guess I should explain.


Elphaba Thropp is my beautiful bike. She is a Specialized Dolce and very sweet. We are still getting to know each other but so far, we work very well together. She has been very patient with me and for that I love and care for her as best I can – which is not much now (according to the annoyingly cheery bike mechanics at the cycle shop – WHO ASKED YOU? Do the job and shut it!) but I do promise as I learn and grow she will fare better and better.

And so will I.

Elphaba Thropp is the name of the Wicked Witch of the West in Gregory Maguire’s book,
“ Wicked”. This is the book that the Broadway musical was inspired by. I love how he expanded and explained her character and made her a heroine of sorts in the story.

OK, so bear with me here ....“Wicked” is the explanation of what was really happening in Oz during the timeframe of the movie “The Wizard of Oz”. In the original movie the neighbor that hated Dorothy and Toto - Ms Almira Gulch – was, in Oz, the Wicked Witch of the West. In Oz she rode a broom, but in Kansas , she rode a bicycle – while she was riding they played this very funny (to me) menacing music.

When the tornado struck, you could see her in the wind funnel on her bike…THAT image, along with synchronicity that Elphaba Thropp initials are ET (like the movie). The strongest image I have in my mind of ET was the silhouette of Elliots bicycle over the treetops, against the moon.

I don’t ride a broom – not in public anyway – and I don’t consciously know any exterrestrials who can make my bike soar, but Elphaba is the closest I will get to flight under my own steam. And; you can say I am a witch on a bicycle or a bitch on a bicycle. You are probably correct. In which case – watch your back!

Elphaba is my bike. And that is how she got her name. If you still don’t get it, you aren’t ready.

The Fatness...keep on....

What goes up....must come down...

Ride the painted pony indeed. One killer week of she-ra is followed by a week of ...just OK workouts. First, it has rained every frickin morning this month, practically. I appreciate the cool start to the day, but rain? And the low barometric pressure has me knocked out. So the two a days have dropped off somewhat.

I had a video analysis of my swimming done this week - turns out that this swim coach is also a tri coach and triathlete himself. He has an endless pool and exercise studio in his basement...can you say ssssssweeeeeett! Anyway, there are few greater horrors in my reality than seeing myself on film....two of those greater horrors being Thing One and Thing Two ( my fattass thighs). Underwater, in a swimsuit, on film.

(composing myself)

OK, so apparently the only thing I do right is turn my head for breathing and how I hold my head - I am also pretty streamlined. Thats about it. I will be taking a daylong workshop with him at the end of the month, I am praying it makes a significant improvement and that I did that little bit of exposure and humiliation for a good reason.

Earlier that day, I was going for my first 2000 yd swim - until I broke my swim cap. I was feeling so good! I know I can get there again however, and I will - hopefully this time in good form. I must now scrounge around for another Speedo long hair swim cap - the only non permeable thing that covers all my hair (and head, for that matter)

If I were flush, I woudl get one of those underwater MP3 players. It would be transcendent to listen to, say Debussy or Errol Garner while swimming!

Last weeks great runs were this week's terrible runs. Terrible, felt like absolute crap. My legs are tight from all the time on the trainer on Elphaba. She has been skipping some gears while I am riding, so she was taken back to the bike store where they tuned her up pretty good and refreshed me on basics - like, how much pressure her tires should have.

baby steps.

I did get some gear this week - a pair of tri shorts and a bike jersey. The padding in the shorts are not as much as it could be, leaving my lady parts (heh heh..she said lady parts) feeling like wood. They have this sticky grippy thing around the top of my thighs that keep them from rolling up, which is pretty cool. I am so greatful that there are more modest lengths thatI can wear.

I took Elphaba out for a nice group ride at a park on Saturday morning - we did two loops of a path that leads to the beach - for a total of just under 18 miles. It wasnice. I didnt bring my running sneax, otherwise I would have joined them for a little run afterwards. The other ladies have all done tris before, so I am greatful thatthey let me ride with them and I can listen to their conversations and soak up useful information - like; the pool swim masters was meeting at is no longer closed!!!!!!

Today I am taking a day off - I may stretch or do strength, but I generally see some quality issues (cycle excluded) so I am pulling back. This gives me time to do other things like clean my house...pull weeds...wash clothes...cook food....talk to my friends....all the things I have been neglecting these last several weeks!

Excuses Begone or: Die, ego, Die!

I had such an awesome workout week last week!

I did doubles every day, and was in the pool four times for sessions ranging from 700 – 1300 yards – a lifetime of swimming for me. I did three runs averaging 4 ½ miles each (one of them on the beach – hallelujah) and spent considerable time on the trainer – I am shooting for an hour per session on the trainer until I can get back outside. I also managed some weight training, too.

I wish I had more time to train. While it is difficult I love doing this work! It is a nice distraction from almost everything else in life – I did not anticipate how all consuming this can be. But; in a pretty good way.

Interesting – I think that now I have increased my load in the last week, my appetite has decreased. No more bear out of hibernation starvies right now, I am pretty cool. Maybe I can lose some of this junk in my trunk and get faster.

I took a swim class over a year ago, and what I find amusing is that there are many techniques my instructor was attempting to show me back then that I am JUST NOW understanding what he meant. Keeping my head low low into the water …sculling….swimming on my side….I am such a dunce. All of these epiphanies have not made me any whit faster, mind you, but it’s all good.

PBS always shows its best stuff when it is having a fund drive…last week it was Stevie Wonder in London, and an Evening with David Foster. This weekend, it was Dr Wayne Dyer, Excuses Begone. Wow. Talk about what I need to hear at the time I need to hear it. It was a long and informative program, and at the end he stated 18 common excuses people use and affirmations to defeat them Many of them resonated deeply with me and apply directly to this endeavor! Talk about Synchronicity. Here's a few:

It will be difficult

I have the ability to accomplish any task I set my mind to with ease and comfort.

It’s going to be risky

Being Myself involves no risks. It is my ultimate truth and I live it fearlessly.

No One Will Help Me (one already proven wrong many times!)

The right circumstances and the right people are already here and will show up on time.

I’m Too Scared:

I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, because I know that I am never alone.


(exhale)

I SUCK (Or: I get my ass handed to me)

Soooooo, finished off bootcamp class with style and verve. Kicked major booty. I did know, I DID KNOW, that this tri training class would be a challenge, BUT: I have been working very diligently at my fitness. I didn't think that I would be as ....embarrassed as I was.

I carefully planned out everything I would need, and I did well on that at least. I found the place also, which was STUNNING a state park with rolling hills and a huge lake with a beach and all kinds of pretty flora and fauna.

The instructor was super nice and informative, and I guess the participants were friendly enough. It seems as if everyone has done a tri before, even though it has been awhile for some people. We got into our wetsuits and went into the lake for a swim, and damn.

It was as if I hadn't done a swim before. I don't like this open water thing - we were all over the place, I kept losing my bearing, I couldn't breathe. I was panicking that I could not see. Ugh. It was like one of those dreams where you are running but you get nowhere…

Then came the bike.

We changed, hopped on our bikes, and right off I was the last out of the lot. I didn’t care - I don't mind tailing folks cuz I am strong right? These fatass thighs should be good for something. But apparently not. I and another person overshot the turnaround, and wound up sailing down a steep hill to the highway.

Which means there was a steep hill to climb and come back up. We rode up the hill aways, and at one point I had to get off. I was correctly geared, but I just could not make the climb. Me! We finally made it to a certain point – after about an hour, seemed like – and here comes our instructor who finally decided to see if we were dead. He showed us how to get back to a certain point, and then took us RIGHT BACK DOWN THE HILL to a certain point, and then turned us around. To make the same frickin climb I couldn’t finish the first time. We made it up to a certain point, and I had to get off again. It was unbelievable! Now, I could have jogged up the hill. As the class passed me one by one, they were barely going faster than I was walking, but hey they were doing it. I just couldn’t.

Eventually my cheery instructor looped back to see what the problem was with me THIS time, and I bravely told him I was ok, as I huffed and puffed my way up the hill on foot. He said that they would wait for me, which I begged him not to do- but they did wait for me, and I was mortified. Of course one of the sally stringbeans was saying “Oh, this isn’t a long workout” and he was explaining that the course didn’t need to be long, that if thought hey were so great they should do hill repeats. I am sure if I were not there he would have said we almost killed that one, so we CAN’T do anything more difficult.

I would have cried tears of frustration, shame and humiliation if I weren’t so exhausted.

We still had to run, but fortunately it was just a drill. I can already see that everyone – everyone – is faster than me, even for just that parking lot jog. I was stripped when class was finally done.

The next class isn’t for two weeks. That gives me ample time to decide if I even want to come back. I don’t want to be the one that holds everyone back or that everyone has to wait for. I also don’t know if I can do this. Fundamentally, after that swim, I just don’t know.

I feel so crappy.